LHC Facts

 

I have written a short allegory, so please bear with me.  Imagine that as a child I became fascinated with guns and bullets.  My parents began to worry about this “unhealthy” fascination.  As a teen I designed an experiment where I carefully aimed two .22 caliber rifles at each other and rigged some string to fire them both at the same time.  I set up a video camera at the middle to tape the collision of the two bullets and play it back in slow motion.  My experiment was a wild success but it alarmed the neighbors who began complaining that I was a reckless juvenile.

 

As a young adult, I took my experiment to new heights, first with high powered rifles and later with military artillery.  I now had a track record and some people in the military were taking note of my research.  But no matter where I went to do these experiments, I made the locals nervous.  They always said my experiments were reckless and that someone was going to get hurt sooner or later.  But I always argued that it would only be me who was hurt.

 

In my early 30’s I began flying radio controlled (full sized) jet fighters into head on collisions, and supersonic missiles.  I was the master of collisions and my video tapes were the proof.  No one else could destroy something with as much grace as me, and record the results.  Some claimed that whatever I was learning by my collisions could be learned in less reckless ways, but hey, I was like a big kid with big toys… and I had some big support.

 

Now at 42 I have designed my greatest experiment to date.  Some are calling it my coup de grâce, but I just tell them it will reveal things we haven’t even thought of.  You see, that’s the beauty of my experiments… you never know exactly what you will find, but the video tapes sure are a big hit on youtube! 

 

So my new experiment is this:  I’m going to collide two nuclear tipped missiles traveling at 50,000 miles an hour, 200 miles up in space.  The combined collision will be at 100,000 miles per hour!  When these missiles slam into each other (with a precision that is my trade secret), the double atomic explosion will be the greatest fireworks show ever.  I’m going to do it out over the water but in view of New York City… on the Fourth of July!! 

 

Sure, there are protestors.  Some of these people say that I will create an Electro Magnetic Pulse that will wipe out the city.  But that kind of talk is just gibberish.  They don’t know what they are talking about.  They haven’t spent their life on this work….. I have!  And on top of that, I have the support and the financing of the government.  So they can’t touch me.  They can scream all they want, but I guarantee that they’ll come out to watch the show!  And once everyone sees my show, I will be celebrated the world over.  For I AM the master of the collision.  I know this, those powerful people in the government know this… and soon the world will too!

 

Note: A coup de grâce is a death blow, a finishing stroke or a decisive event that destroys something of great importance or value.

 

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